I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
