Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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