i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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