He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
