I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
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I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
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We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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