Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
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sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
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I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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