I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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