My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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