I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
