AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
