Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
