Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
