oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
