jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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