There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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