he wants to bone in the snuggie
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
