Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
