i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
