she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
