I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
