She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
