Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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