I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
