just tell him i said nine months
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize