You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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