i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
