In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
