Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
foreskin is a definite game changer
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
