im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize