i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
