Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
