It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
