Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
