she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize