What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
