I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
