you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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