Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
