You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Where did you get a picture of my penis
My cat gives me a boner
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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