P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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