Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
