Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
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