We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
