She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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