i just wanna soil my oats bro
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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