I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
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i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
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I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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