How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
