does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
