big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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