So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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