Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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