Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
