sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
