Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
