I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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