When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
