she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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