I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.