I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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