i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....