there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
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tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
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