i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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