FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
