Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
