i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
