dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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