I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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