Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
