I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
