First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
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I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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