yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
