And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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