He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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