Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
