i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
