We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Im part way to drunk.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
