dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
