Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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